Watch as I survive a close encounter with Cecil Sinclaire, notorious evil-doer and general prankster. Carla Rhodes, rock n roll ventriloquist takes a moment to talk about her and Cecil, while also casually mentioning that shes promoting his demonic ways through her show, The Plight of Cecil (part of Dragon Con 2013s puppetry track). Carlas the first ventriloquist that I see at the Con, and after catching a glimpse of the evil residing deep within Cecils eyes, I dont think Ill forget her any time soon.
Matt Refghi: Hello, sir. I was attracted by your sign over here you hope that there are no assassins around
Dave: Oh yes.
Matt: Pardon?
Dave: Oh, yes, Im scared of the assassins very scared.
Matt: So yesterday I saw some Splinter Cell guys hanging around, you know, with the night vision and all that, I was a little concerned (emphasizing) I was a little concerned when I saw this, cause I was like yea theres some people around that might hurt you.
Dave: Theres many people around that might hurt me, but when youre British you get quite used to that happening.
Matt: (laughs) Okay, and this costume: wheres it from, specifically?
Dave: Okay, specifically, its a British red coat officers uniform, from the 30th ??? regiment. Somewhat modded. And the game in question, Im sure everyone knows, is Assassins Creed 3 where as a red coat in that game, once the assassins are around, youve got a life expectancy of micro-seconds.
Matt: Well, thats understandable, its understandable, and I like that the red kind of matches with the Star Trek. Im sure theres more historical significance there
Dave: Yes.
Matt: but the red shirt, yeah, youre in trouble, my friend.
Dave: Oh, yes.
Matt: Across multiple universes. But how do you personally feel about Assassins Creed, the series?
Dave: I have only really played Assassins Creed 3, but I think its wonderful, and Im really ??? so Im going to get the other games when I get back from the UK, because theyre cheap now apart from anything else.
Matt: So you are from the UK, yourself?
Dave: Yes, Im actually from the UK and I flew in just for Dragon Con and to see some friends, and its amazing.
Matt: Alright, and its your first time?
Dave: Yes, Dragon Con virgin.
Matt: Are you (laughs), thats fine. Are you have you been bitten by the bug? (Uses right hand to simulate a bug biting his left arm.)
Dave: Oh, yeah, Im back next year. Ill going to sell a kidney if I have to get here.
Matt: Sell a kidney, okay well, that might be worth it, might be worth it.
Dave: Yeah . I dont use them for much anyway.
Matt: Right and so I remember, you know, theres a lot of pride in Montreal with Ubisoft having created this because theyre really a well-renowned studio.
Dave looks to his right, and suddenly runs, terrified. He hands Matt the microphone while doing so. Matt looks stunned as two assassins pass by, clearly the ones that scared Dave off.
Matt: (To the assassins) Okay, guys, well, you know, you just scared off my interview.
Brent: Sorry about that.
Jonathan shrugs slightly, but in manner that suggests he was just doing his job not very apologetic.
Matt: But its alright, so I guess youre fulfilling your role here. So how do you guys feel about the Assassins Creed franchise?
Brent: We feel pretty good about it.
Matt: Enough to dress up certainly.
Brent: Yes, certainly.
Jonathan: Huge fan.
Brent: Played all the games.
Matt: Ive played the first one, really enjoyed it, Ive also but that was it.
Brent: Yeah, they get better from there.
Matt: They get better?
Brent: Yeah.
Matt: Excellent.
Brent: 2 is probably my favorite, and Brotherhood, those are two are probably my favorite ones. But yeah, theyre all really fun to play.
Matt: I like the concept of Brotherhood, the whole thing about having assassins that work for you.
Brent: Yeah.
Matt: So your names, by the way.
Brent: Im Brent.
Jonathan: and Im Jonathan.
Matt: Okay, cool. So I like the costumes, and Im also wondering: youre probably seeing other assassins creed brothers of yours around, right?
Brent: This is true, we have been.
Matt: Have you been huddling around in groups trying to be stealthy?
Brent: Um, yeah, I mean
Jonathan: Gotta stay sneaky.
Brent: we have the hoods, and apparently that just works, so, as long as we have them up, its fine.
Matt: If theres one place where you can blend in to a, you know, crowd, I think its here. I think theres a lot of variety.
Jonathan: Thats true, so many people its difficulty to pinpoint targets in crowds.
Matt: Well, you get to choose, you know. You have an abundance, you can just go to town.
Brent: Exactly. Like that guy, we had to get that guy. (Gesturing to direction Dave fled.)
Matt: How long have you been stalking him?
Brent: For a while, weve seen him off and on. Hes a big target priority, so, you know.
Jonathan: Lets be honest, the sign kind of gives him away.
Matt: Yea, it makes him a juicy target, right?
Brent: Oh, yeah.
Matt: Alright, quite cool, guys. I hope you enjoy the Con.
Brent: You too.
Matt: Thats it. Thank you.
Brent: Alright, thank you.
Matt: And try not to kill him, leave him alone.
Brent: Might just give him a punishment.
Jonathan: Cant make any promises.
Matt: Cant make any promises.
Jonathan: Cant make any promises.
Matt: Thats alright. Youre assassins, but dont you have like a code? Dont assassins have a code?
Jonathan: We do.
Matt: But if an assassin has a code to not assassinate, theres a problem.
Jonathan: Exactly.
Brent: Thats true I mean, it is our job, its what we have to do.
Jonathan: Templars take priority.
Matt: Alright.
Brent: We only kill bad people, or at who we consider bad people, so theres that.
Jonathan: Alright, well, (referring to Dave) hes pure evil, so go ahead.
Jonathan: Indeed.
Brent: Fun talk.
Matt: Thanks, guys.
Jonathan: Take care, man.
Scene cuts to Matt standing next to Dave, who looks slightly uneasy.
Matt: Dave, Im really happy to see you, because I just they just chased you off, and Im sorry but I interviewed them.
Dave: Yea, I think I got away with it, though, I think Ive lost them, and I dont think theyre coming back.
Matt: Okay, well thats what
Brent and Jonathan enter the frame separately, from the left and rides sides, respectively. They are approaching Dave rapidly, and hes starting to be become aware of their presence. Jonathan stabs Dave in the back before Brent is able to do so himself. Brent is limping slightly and supporting his back as if it was in pain.
Matt: (Looking down at Daves body) Oh, no what
Brent shrugs while looking at Jonathan, who also shrugs but in more of a what? thats how its done type way. Jonathan leaves the scene, and is then followed by Brent, who took a moment to shrug in disappointment once more before leaving.
Matt places the microphone on the ground, and runs away from the scene, into the crowd.
An female thief in an Assassins Creed costume calmly walks in from the left, crouches next to Davescorpse, and starts searching Daves body. She feel around to see if he has anything in his pockets, and finally decides to steal his Con badge, which is attached to his belt. She stands up, satisfied, and calmly walks off to the right.
Matt Refghi: Hi everyone, Im here with the Brady Bunch or part of the Brady Bunch, it would appear.
Carol: The parents and our main support Alice.
Matt Refghi: They have a very nice sign, I really want to point out. Theyre gonna trade their kids for beer, essentially.
Mike: Yes.
Matt Refghi: And it seems theyve already traded one.
Mike: We have. We traded one, yes. Was that Jan?
Carol: No no no, it was Greg, because hes 18, hes ready to move on.
Matt Refghi: Okay, so when it comes to trading so he was 18 okay, I see he was the most appropriate one to trade, because hes already almost out.
Mike: Correct, correct.
Matt Refghi: Would you be interested in getting, like, Vodka, for a certain child?
Alice: I would take Vodka.
Matt Refghi: Right and whats the criteria for trading children?
Mike: Alice does all the work, so she should really decide.
Carol: Alice gets all of the alchohol, because honestly I kinda just go out and go to PTA stuff and
Alice: He goes to work, she goes to PTA, but Im the one doing all the work around here, and Im the one who gets to say what we trade for, so yes, I would accept Vodka.
Matt Refghi: Okay, but were getting into a little bit of a grey zone, were talking about trading children.
Carol: Yes.
Matt Refghi: But its all in good fun.
Carol: Its all in good fun. We really do not have six children, so its probably okay.
Matt Refghi: (points to sign) You have five.
Carol: We have five, we have five.
Matt Refghi: Right now, right now. Youre working on that so thats great. Is this your first Dragon Con?
Carol: No, this would be our fourth Dragon Con.
Matt Refghi: Thats great, same here.
Mike: Alright, fantastic.
Matt Refghi: And where are you from?
Carol: Were from Atlanta. Alice
Mike: We live in Atlanta.
Alice: Im from Minneapolis, so I come and visit them, and we hang out and we come to Dragon Con every couple years.
Matt Refghi: Is it the first time you dress up together?
Carol: No, no. Last year we were nuns, but we were all different themes I was a zombie nun, he was a Jedi nun, and she was an actual holy nun.
Matt Refghi: (enumerating with fingers, thoughtful) Jedi, holy, zombie. How does the holy live with the zombie? Thats kind of like opposites.
Carol: Never, no, I ate her brains.
Mike: (laughs)
Matt Refghi: Oh, okay. But then is she (laughs) is she still a holy okay, is that why the costume wont be used again?
Mike: Yeah, yeah.
Carol: Yeah, its done.
Matt Refghi: Thats too bad, but it had its run.
Alice: It had its run, you know, it was a good time but you cant do the same thing every year.
Carol: Yesterday, actually, my husband and I were nominated we had a card to be for the wall of fame or whatever, we were Cleopatra yesterday, so the Dragon Con staff nominated us and had our picture taken.
Matt Refghi: Congratulations!
Mike: Yes, were so excited.
Matt Refghi: Good job.
Carol: So lots of Dragon Con.
Matt Refghi: Yeah do you foresee an end to your attendance? I doubt it.
Mike: (convinced) No no no.
Carol: Not at this point, unless they move it to the convention centre, at which point that might do it for me it needs to stay in the hotels. Im very solid about that point.
Matt Refghi: Yea, I like it too I like just wandering around. We come from up north, were from Canada.
Carol: Okay.
Matt Refghi: But we still fly down every year, so (laughs), its cool. Um, one more question regarding the costumes you had before: between the zombie and the Jedi, who would win? Because thats the two remaining contenders.
Mike: (recognizing the theoretical duel for its natural awesomeness) Ooooooo
Alice: I think the Jedi would win.
Matt Refghi: I would hope so, otherwise what type of a Jedi are we talking about?
Mike: (laughs)
Alice: Because hes quick and agile, and he has a weapon.
Matt Refghi: And he has exactly.
Carol: Zombies arent very smart, they just say brains and try to eat them. He would cut my head off before I could get at him, so I think he would, yeah.
Matt Refghi: Okay, but it depends is it a 28 days later zombie, or a Romero zombie? Like, fast or slow?
Carol: No, its more like a 28 days later zombie.
Matt Refghi: Okay, okay so its a fair fight, then, but the Jedi should win if hes competent.
Carol: Jedi should win. But in this battle, Im Mrs. Brady
Matt Refghi: You would naturally win.
Carol: I would win over him
Mike: No, no.
Carol: but Alice wins over all of us.
Matt Refghi: (Suddenly understanding) Ooooooh.
Mike: (laughs)
Carol: And by the way, if anyone wants to trade a kid, Jan is next on the list because she whines all of the time, are we in agreement on that?
Alice: Absolutely, Im tired of the Marcia, Marcia, Marcia business.
Carol: Its always about whining about Marcia, so were ready to get rid of Jan, so if anyone wants to give us a beer, we will give you Jan.
Matt Refghi: Maybe half a beer for Jan?
Alice: I would take half a beer for Jan, yes I would.
Matt Refghi: Thats bargaining.
Alice: At this point, late in the day, we need to work on this.
Matt Refghi: So, half a beer. (To camera) You know where to get to if you want a child. (To guests) Excellent, its great meeting you. Um, I hope you have a great con!
Though I knew very little of the famous Doctor, actor/writer John Reid Adams happily helped me get up to speed. Though John did most of the talking in this, I really felt that the video could have gone on for much longer, and I would have continued to be just as interested. Since this was filmed, I started watching the 2005 version of Doctor Who, and I absolutely love the concept. So, just like I did, if you want an introduction to the Doctor, try starting here.
Transcription
Matt Refghi: So, hello, sir.
John Reid Adams: Hello, hows it going?
Matt: I saw you here, and I wanted to mention you look like youre from the Doctor Who universe.
John: Oh, very much so. Fifty years, Id say its a safe bet.
Matt: Fifty years. (laughs) And I wanted to know, because Im not familiar with Doctor Who, but I know a lot of people love it. A lot my friends tells me that its great.
John: Indeed.
Matt: Ive seen a scarf around that people reference as Doctor Who.
John: Yes, well thats like a badge of honor for a lot of people, years ago, when the fourth Doctor in the 1970s, when people were like oh, thats the bloke with the scarf, innit?
Matt: Cool, so I like references like that. And I kind of wanted to know, alright, people love this, theres a lot of references to the show, and I was curious about that. And I wanted to know when it comes to a series like Doctor Who, where do we start? Because I know theres a lot of history.
John: Well, for a lot of people, especially in the case of Americans, I feel its personally best to start with the new series with Christopher Eccleston, and move forward from there. Like you do with other television series, and once you do become up to speed on that, then I say, you know, jump back and start watching the classic series, but dont, youre not required to have to start at the beginning, and move forward. There are actually wonderful stories from different eras you start with, because, one thing Im discovering is with modern audiences nowadays, we, you know, we love production value, we love special effects, but the thing is the series back then, like most television series back then, were not famed for their elaborate special effects. We watched Star Trek, the old Star Trek, and we could see the seam on the mustache! Thats not working! Thats not working there, so you really have to cash in on the story and the acting, especially with Doctor Who being from England they invited acting! They invited good writing, so thats kind of what kept the show going, so the story telling is the main thing that kept that show running for so long, and thats why its still as popular as it is, you know, for fifty odd years.
Matt: Great, great. I wanted to, as you discussing this, mentioning this, you said the special effects it reminds me of Red Dwarf. Because Red Dwarf also British, special effects not the best, especially at the start, especially, but theres still a charm to that.
John: Its and a lot of it has to do with the characters. You love the characters, and the writing, and see thats all you need frankly, in the end, anything, thats all you need. After all, you watch Evil Dead 2, the special effects are pretty rubbish, but you know you watch it because its bloody hilarious.
I recently began going through my old belongings in an effort to clear out the excess that I’d accumulated over the years, and in doing so, I encountered a particular item that proved problematic. You see, the item in question was a 3 1/2 floppy drive, you know, the old technology that no one uses these days. I specifically remembered that I had never actually tested it – so it was highly possible that the thing wasn’t even functional to begin with. Not only that, but the drive had other flaws: it was beige (a color that most people aren’t interested in), and plus, it was wrapped in plastic wrap – a material that may conduct low amounts of static electricity. I clearly recalled wrapping it, way back when, and the idea was to protect it from dust; unfortunately, I failed to consider the damage the static electricity might do.
In any case, what this all meant was that I had a highly undesirable item that might not even work – but yet, I wasn’t the type to just throw stuff away. So instead of just popping it into the recycling bin in the hopes that the city’s services would know what to do, I figured I’d have some fun with it. The result was the following: an ad I posted on Kijiji, a classified ad site.
Here’s the text if you rather read off this page:
“Old and Most Probably Broken Floppy Drive
I offer you one of the last known survivors of a dying race, the common floppy drive. This mighty warrior has a long history of interpreting complex arrangements of 0s and 1s, the twisted language of machines. After such a illustrious career, he had but one wish in life: to die with dignity. Instead, he was found wrapped in plastic wrap, a material that may very well conduct small amounts of static electricity, the one weakness of his kind. This offer is therefore made with a certain sadness, as the aforementioned hero may not actually be alive, behind his clingy but transparent coffin. But one thing is certain, my friends… he has written, and he has read.”
The little joke resulted in some really amusing e-mails from the people that caught sight of it. One guy replied with:
“Nice. What about to send it to the garbage?”
To which I replied:
“A hero deserves a chance at rebirth, or at the very least, the finest of funerals.”
Naturally, I didn’t really care that much about the drive – but I had invested myself in the romantic tale of a dying warrior, and I figured I’d continue having fun with it. It seemed like a better alternative than just chucking it in the trash and calling it a day.
If you enjoyed this post, I highly recommend you read Understanding the Balloon.
This is one of two reviews from All Too Convenient, a project I recently cancelled. It was originally published on October 18th, 2012, and features a humor-based writing style. Hope you enjoy!
Spoiler Level: Mild
Yep, a zombie TV show – a slightly different take on a genre that’s been done to death, so to speak. When I heard about it, I liked the fact that it was a TV show, not a movie, and that it was based in Atlanta (a city I frequentyearly), so I bought the first season and got to watching. Here’s a brief description I got off Wikipedia in case you never heard of it:
The series stars Andrew Lincoln as sheriff’s deputy Rick Grimes, who awakens from a coma to find the world dominated by flesh-eating “walkers,” resembling the zombies of George A. Romero’s horror movies. He sets out to find his family and encounters other survivors along the way.
The episode starts off with the main character, Rick, looking for gas while walking through a field that’s full of broken cars. He sees plenty of overturned vehicles, a rotting corpse, an empty donut box (sorry, Rick), but not much else. It’s pretty clear that no one’s throwing a party in there, it’s silent, it’s creepy, and there doesn’t appear to be any gas around. Then he hears a sound, and eventually identifies the source: a little girl that’s slowly trudging along in a pair of bunny slippers and a bathrobe, both of which are dirty. In her left hand is a stuffed animal, but there’s one catch: Rick can’t see her face, only her back. He tries to tell her he’s friendly, and a cop, but she doesn’t react immediately. There’s a lot of screen time devoted to the sequence, and the silence plays a major role in building an ambiance. But then, the expected happens – the girl stops walking.
UH-OH, THIS SHIT’S ABOUT TO GET REAL. Message received, writers, it’s all lining up to be a shocking zombie reveal. The signs are all there: the creepy silence, the fact that the girl had her head conveniently turned away from us the whole time (while being perfectly centered in the screen), and finally, they spend a lot of screen time focusing on her. If there’s one thing I dislike, it’s predictable storylines. I remember hoping that she would turn around and have a golden retriever’s face, that way I would actually be taken aback. But instead, she turns around to reveal that she’s… wait for it… a zombie! SURPRISE. Really, guys? Why not do something creative where she’s a human, or a human that’s right about to turn into a zombie, something like that? Why do exactly what everyone expects you to do?
Well, anyway, it wasn’t long until the little girl realized that she had a sudden craving for some pork, and started shuffling forward to get her first bite. Rick, clearly disturbed by someone so young having been transformed, reluctantly (but violently) puts a hole in her forehead using his magnum. The scene then cuts to a bad computer generated (CG) death sequence, one that shows the zombie girl falling to the ground, her stuffed animal rolling away. It’s at that moment that the dramatic theme music starts, and the intro sequence for The Walking Dead begins.
As you can see, the writers were trying to show how dramatic the zombie illness was, and used a little girl as a way to shock the audience. Unfortunately, in my case, the scene was too predictable, and it took away from the realism of the show, something that I value greatly. Now, there’s something else I’d like to mention: normally, a bad CG scene can bring a potentially good show to its knees, realism-wise, but in this case, I really didn’t mind. You see, it’s not often that kids are killed on-screen, as it’s understandably a bit disturbing for people to see – even video games typically shy away from such violence (not that I, uh, tried). Therefore, I don’t mind that it was clearly a faked death sequence. As an animator, wouldn’t that be a really creepy thing to have on your resume, too? “Little girl getting shot in the face.” Dude, it’s a child.
Aside from the first scene’s predictability, I do have positive things to say about the show. First of all, it has one of the best title sequences I’ve seen, and a great soundtrack by Bear McCreary (best known for Battlestar Galactica). But also, there was a point in the episode where I genuinely thought that the main character would die, and that, ladies and gents, is not something that happens often. It also seemed that The Walking Dead had a fairly high budget, despite the bad CG scene I mentioned earlier. I won’t get into details, but I can say that both the zombies and the violence generally looked awesome.
In the end, it’s best to approach this type of show expecting a typical zombie story, because that’s pretty much what it is. It’s sometimes flawed, sometimes predictable, and sometimes impressive – a fine mix for this type of blog.
This is one of two reviews from All Too Convenient, a project I recently cancelled. It was originally published on October 13th, 2012, and features a humor-based writing style. Hope you enjoy!
Spoiler Level: Mild
I finally got around to watching Continuum in the last few days, and felt like sharing a little bit of the ridiculousness with you all. Ever since the creation of Corner Gas, I’ve been desperately awaiting the arrival of a TV-show that would allow us Canadians to regain some of our dignity. Yes, I realize that it’s a comedy, and Continuum isn’t, and I also realize some of you actually likeBrent Butt‘s monstrosity of a TV-series, but can’t quite understand why that is. But, you know, to each his own. Anyway, I felt like Canada had a chance after the drunken arrival of the so-called Trailer Park Boys, and although Continuum isn’t a comedy, it’s one of the most recent examples of a Canadian show that I felt had some hope of being respected and watched beyond the border. In case you haven’t heard of it, here’s what they’re saying on Wikipedia:
When a group of rebels convicted as terrorists escape execution by fleeing from the year 2077 to 2012, Kiera Cameron, a future Vancouver law enforcement officer (called Protector), is involuntarily transported with them. In order to track them down and keep them from changing the past (and presumably future), Kiera joins the Vancouver Police Department and uses the skills of a young tech expert [to help locate and apprehend the criminals].
A high-tech “Protector” finds herself in our time, and has to cope with all of our old-school silliness while fighting a highly skilled team of evildoers. It didn’t take long for me to like the concept, but there’s this one scene at the start of the pilot that really made me roll my eyes. You see, the ass-kicking Kiera soon finds out she’ll need to go into work for one big event, the aforementioned execution. It’s at that time that we find out she has a little boy, Sam. We meet him when he walks up in his PJs, and asks his mother if she’s expecting to fight a galactic war anytime soon, or something like that. His mother crouches before him and assures him that no, everything will be fine, and soon the bad guys won’t be able to hurt anybody.
The camera then finds itself over Kiera’s shoulder, and we see the oh-so-cute little Sammy looking down at his Mom with an innocent and fragile gaze. “Do you have to go?” he asks, perhaps realizing that the galactic war would occur nonetheless, by way of TV destiny. Kiera explains that she’s simply doing her job, and little Sammy looks down at a little toy soldier he has in his hands, lifts it up, and figures he’ll do something totally adorable and predictable. He says the toy soldier is for her, and it’s in case she needs backup, which of course results in widespread AWWWs across the country. His mom smiles warmly, there’s this warm but slightly-dramatic music playing at the same time, and I can’t help but know with certainty that Sammy isn’t gonna see his mom for quite a while. Something’s gonna go down.
To me, it was very clear that they were trying to show the audience something: LOOK, KID ADORABLE, MOTHER WUV. Yes, writers and directors of Continuum, I get it. I see what you’re trying to show, but did you have to be so obvious about it? Do you think people typically have the chance to say proper goodbyes, when real tragic accidents or events occur? That’s not how real life works, in my experience, and there’s value in supporting a certain realism. The loss of Sammy could have been illustrated without spelling it out in such a way that everybody’s pets could understand it too. And that little toy soldier bit, give me a break. Ain’t it a little convenient that he whips out that little number right before his mother gets transported 65 years into the past?
We’re human! Show little Sammy in a natural, organic everyday moment with his mother, and then reveal the look on his mother’s face when she realizes that she won’t be able to see him again. To me, that’s one of the most fascinating things about acting – facial expressions, the show-but-don’t-tell method of conveying an emotion. Hell, if you want to drive the point home, just set up a scene with that little toy soldier, and have her look at it ever-so-briefly, and show her facial expression during the process. Subtle, you know? Not over-the-top by staging a scene where we all get to bathe in just how precious and fragile little Sammy is.
Oh, and in saying this, I’m talking to TV writers everywhere, not only the folks from Continuum. As a whole, Continuum remains an interesting show, and a Canadian one at that – so I’m certainly planning to continue watching. I just hope they try to stay away from moments of extreme convenience like the one I highlighted today. I want to be surprised and challenged, not placed on rails while waiting for cliché after cliché to hit me in the face.
A long time ago, I felt that perhaps I could expand into another medium. The idea was to create a web series called “All Too Convenient,” one where I reviewed TV shows and movies, me being the picky creature that I am. So I tried to make that happen, and despite some interesting lessons, it didn’t really work out. As a second attempt, I tried to simply create another blog out of it, but again, it just didn’t take. A few months after that, I tried to launch the blog again – but this time with a different approach. Rather than write in a serious fashion, I decided I’d let my humor run wild, and see how that worked. The main idea was to spend less time writing each post, and to have more fun while doing so. In that regard, I succeeded. The posts definitely had a different voice and energy to them, and it was quite liberating compared to the serious style of “Matt Refghi’s Blog.”
But yet, here we are, aren’t we? Despite that I succeeded in finding another style, the All Too Convenient blog was simply not getting updated often enough. It also prevented me from watching certain TV shows, as I felt that I should only continue with them once I’ve reviewed all episodes I’d seen. It’s not so much that I didn’t want to update it, but rather, I still felt that obsessive drive to perfect each post. Because of this, I needed to split my time between both blogs, which required twice the effort as before. Though I enjoyed writing, I didn’t want to spend multiple nights a week working on posts. Instead, I preferred getting life experiences that would easily translate into amusing posts – storytelling always came more naturally to me.
Thus, I must announce that the All Too Convenient project has been officially cancelled. It was, and still is a great idea (in my opinion) – but I haven’t found an approach that works for me quite yet. My attempts were useful in the overall learning process, though, and more importantly, it showed me that I enjoy writing with humor more than do in my serious tone. Each have their place, of course, but you can expect to see this new comedy influence more often. For example, my recent post titled “So Apparently I’m a Complete Slacker” makes use of this new voice to a certain degree – hopefully you’ll all enjoy it as much as I do.
You never know when the idea might re-surface… but for now, I feel I’m doing exactly what I need to do. If a project isn’t working, it’s important to put it down – rather than let it bring everything else to a crawl. The good news is that the two All Too Convenient posts have been migrated to this blog, and will hopefully entertain people despite the fact that their ship sunk:
I attended college at a very turbulent time in my life, and though it resulted in many negative experiences, it also provided me with great stories to laugh about and share with others. Today, I’d like to tell you about this one class that I had… I don’t remember the name, exactly, but it can be best described as a physical education class that focused on nutrition. In case you haven’t read my previous posts, I’ll set the stage by explaining that it took me somewhere between 1.5 to 2.5 hours to get to the campus in the morning, and the same at night. Because of this, most of my efforts were focused on my core Computer Science classes – the others weren’t my priority, but I certainly wanted to get decent marks.
So this gym class was actually simple, but varied. We did some weight training, cardio, figured out how to plan completely balanced meals, and were even taught to calculate our levels of fat in probably the most uncomfortable way ever: we measured our fat flaps. Yep, fat flap measurement is a thing, folks – there’s a better name for it, of course, but it evades me at this moment. I’m also fairly certain that nothing can meet the eloquence of “fat flap measurement,” so I won’t bother to find the right term. You’re welcome. But, altogether, it was a standard physical education class – I liked certain things, and wasn’t totally enthusiastic with others. However, I carried the torch like a good college kid, and always felt I did a pretty decent job in that class.
Fate had another plan, it seems. In general, I get along with most people I meet – but this teacher, we’ll call him Franz, was a bit different. It’s not that I had anything against the man, but I just felt that I didn’t really connect with him like I did other teachers. In college, I always tried to know my professors to at least a basic degree. My logic was the following: if the teacher knew me, they would be less likely to give me bad marks. Now, keep in mind, I wasn’t out to deceive or give myself an unfair advantage. I simply wanted my teachers to know how my brain worked so that they would understand that deep down, I meant well, and actually cared about my results. I mean, sure, I didn’t give my 100% in non-Computer Science classes, but I was still aiming to get decent marks, so there was effort invested. And the way I saw it, it was easier to flunk a guy that they never met and seemed to keep to himself, rather than “Matt Refghi,” the guy who’s in Computer Science and who appreciated weight training, and actually cared about the class – despite keeping to himself. But, alas, Franz was a weird one to get along with… so I mostly kept to myself and did everything that was asked of me. I wasn’t getting top marks, but I was doing decently in most assignments.
Then there was this one weight training class where we had to do bench pressing, among other things. When it was my turn, I found an area that wasn’t being used, and did my reps. The teacher had said that we could take 1-2 minute breaks in between sets, and since I was particularly tired that day, I was very adamant about using that time. So I would do a set, then sit, and monitor the clock. Though I never sat idle for more than 2 minutes at a time, it seemed that Franz had a tendency look my way only when I was resting, not when I was doing my reps. At one point, he even stopped by and asked me if I was doing anything, and I assured him that I was. But he just kept looking at the wrong moments. I laughed at the luck I was having, but I knew deep down that I had done absolutely everything that I was asked, and that I had followed his rules. My timing wasn’t even slightly off, by the way – I was taking 2 minute breaks, then immediately returning to my reps – no slacking. Unfortunately, Franz always seemed to look at the wrong time.
That was the first hint of trouble, in my eyes. Then came one of the field trips – we were to hike a local mountain, and do these treasure hunt type challenges while there. Given that I lived far away from the city, I had to get up really early to leave for such an event. Still living with my parents, I went to look in their fridge to see what was available to eat. In a hurry, and having found no appealing options, I prepared something really basic: two peanut butter sandwiches. I then ventured to Montreal, and proceeded to fulfill my hiking obligations. Since I didn’t spend much time in Montreal those days, I just did a combination of metro plus taxi to get me to where I needed to go that day. (When stressed, I often prefer simplicity at a cost, rather than complicating my life with bus schedules and stuff like that.) It was a rough hike for a guy who spent most of his time staring into a computer (especially back then), but I did it… even if it involved plenty of back and forth to wear us out. At lunch, the whole class got together to eat at a particular location on the mountain. Satisfied with my progress, I chewed like the triumphant computer nerd that I was, but then caught sight of Franz’s face.
Peanut butter sandwiches, two of them. Remember how I said Franz taught us NUTRITION? What’s nutritious about a lunch that comprises solely of two peanut butter sandwiches? Just from his expression, I understood: in that small moment, he had proof that I had not applied the stuff he taught in his class (building a nutritionally balanced meal). Once again, I proceeded to have a laugh internally, and tried to just shrug it off. I completed the day’s tasks, and arrived home where I plugged myself straight back into that glowing box. But you know what? I completed the hike, that day – Franz or not.
Then… the marks came in. Know what I got? 60%. SIXTY. PERCENT. You know, the lowest possible passing grade. I knew for a fact that I deserved to have more than that – after all, I remembered most of my grades from my assignments. In an effort to understand, I thought to back to where it could have gone wrong, and I always came back to the weight lifting incident, and the double peanut butter lunch. In those moments, he probably felt that he understood the essence of my being – a guy who didn’t really care, and just did whatever he needed to do to pass. He misunderstood, of course, but I began to see the 60% as what it probably was: Franz giving me the bird. He probably knew that he couldn’t fail me because I had the good grades, but he didn’t want me to do well either. There’s such significance in that specific grade; he made me pass, but only that… not a trickle more.
I was absolutely certain that I didn’t deserve such a shitty grade… but I was tired of fighting. I had way too much stress in my life back then, and my papers at home weren’t all that organized. The college allowed students to dispute their grades, but it was a gamble of sorts – three teachers would re-evaluate the grades, and a new grade would be elected. If the three teachers agreed that the grade should be lower, that would be the law. I had previously filed a dispute for another class, and it took my grade from a high 60 to a mid 80 – so I was confident in my instincts. But unfortunately, I wasn’t organized enough to gather all of my old assignments from that class, and I was stressed enough as it was, so I never disputed it. I also knew that my effort wasn’t as significant as it would have been for a core Computer Science class, so the potential gain was only about 10-15%. Still, to this day, whenever I see the list of my grades, I picture a tiny Franz next to the 60%, flipping me off. As always, it’s always better to laugh about such things – can you imagine the chances of him always seeing the worst possible moments of my performance? This world’s hilarious, at times.
