So I’m not sure what I was doing, initially, but at a certain point in time, I found myself watching a YouTube video of some random guy shaving his own head. This, of course, is the exact type of situation that YouTube can bring about with its near-endless collection of videos. (According to them, 100 hours of video are uploaded every minute. That’s a lot of cats.) So regardless of the original idea that triggered my binge-watching, I evidently decided, at one point, that I wanted to know how people managed to shave their own domes. And so I got an answer to that question, and while doing so, I also discovered an interesting YouTube personality. Over time, I watched more of his videos, and eventually, subscribed.
Though most of the videos I’ve watched were published 5-6 years ago, they still live on in my brain, and make me laugh. Meet Shawn Cannon, otherwise known as “mastergunner99” (a nickname he got in the military for being really good at shooting accurately). This military background brought forth interesting stories, one of which I felt I just had to share today. The video’s titled “Hello Stupid,” and it’s a really entertaining recollection of what it was like for him to go through the U.S. military’s CS gas training. (This is where the military voluntarily exposes its soldiers to CS gas so they know what to expect in the event of a chemical attack.) Now, I know, this doesn’t sound too entertaining, but once you hear his tale, you’ll see what I mean: it’s all about his storytelling, plus his unfortunate luck. Those who enjoy black comedy will likely get a kick out of this. Sorry for what you lived, Shawn, but you made a lot of people laugh! Thanks for that.
By this point, I think pretty much everyone that knows me understands one thing: I really like hanging out with geeky people in costumes. Despite a recent video where I expressed doubt about continuing my yearly Dragon Con attendance, I did end up attending for a fifth consecutive year. However, unlike most years, I flew to Atlanta without knowing whether I’d do the interviews that I’d become accustomed to. Overall, I was in a mode where I was thinking about where my online presence was going, and whether I would continue spending my free time as I was. This was largely due to the timing, as I’d recently experienced a certain amount of turbulence in my personal life. Though I weathered the storm, it was the ideal environment to bring about some good ol’ self-reflection and improvement. In the end, I decided that I’d book my flight to Dragon Con and simply fill in the blanks as the date approached. To make sure that approach could work, I planned to have my equipment and suit with me so I had options at my disposal. A few days before my flight, I pretty much concluded that I’d attend two days of the Con, rather than four, and that I would use those days to focus on photos and having a good time, rather than doing my usual interview work. I figured this open approach would make it easier for me to just enjoy the experience, thereby facilitating creative flow. That kinda played into the whole “fun first” attitude that I’d taken on since I encountered that patch of rough air. Plus, I thought it’d also give me an opportunity to reflect on conventions in general, and perhaps derive some humor from some of those reflections.
So anyway, apart from knowing that I’d be revisiting the Dragon Con atmosphere that I loved, I was looking forward to speaking to a contact I met last year, a woman that I saw as a mentor of sorts. She was a fairly well-connected producer who had her own film crew, and like me, she was involved in interviewing people at conventions, and had her own company associated with that. Last year, she had offered valuable advice at a pivotal time in my life, and though we didn’t spend all that much time chatting, we did get along pretty well. She also introduced me to certain Dragon Con speakers she knew, and the like. Given how I was reviewing what I was doing with my web presence, and I valued her advice, I thought speaking to her would prove helpful. I was also looking forward to seeing her again; it’d been a while. So as the Con approached, we connected via Skype, and I sought her general advice regarding where I was thinking of going with my web presence, while also hinting at some of the obstacles that I’d faced and bested since we last spoke. Unexpectedly, by the end of the call, I was presented an offer: since I had no specific plans at the Con, she offered to book me time with one of her own camera crews. This was huge: as a guy who wants to be on camera, it’s kind of hard to do so without having someone to hold the camera, especially at conventions where they typically reject stationary setups. I mean, sure, I could have devised some sort of a gadget that I could fashion around my waist, with an awkward metal arm extended out to achieve the best selfie-interview angle possible, but that seemed a little tacky. Just a little. A crew to follow me around seemed a lot better, as it would also potentially allow me to do more comedy-type skits, which I felt I didn’t have enough opportunity to try. Now, as far as I understood, I’d still have to do my own video editing, I’d still have to pay for my own travel, but I’d have the benefit of having a crew, and a certain support structure. In return, of course, the footage filmed would be signed over to her.
I saw it for what it was: an opportunity to learn from my mentor, while having an actual film crew following me around. Now, it’s true that I got pretty damn close to that in 2013 with my friend Joseph Pereira and his massive shoulder-mounted rig, but at the time, the on-screen time was split between the two of us – the idea of having a dedicated crew interested me. I also liked the idea of not imposing on anyone – if the crew’s sole function was to fulfill that role, then I wouldn’t worry as much about whether they’re having a good time. Still, right from the start, my mentor was clear in saying that there would be no guarantee of being paid for the filming I would do at Dragon Con… and I really didn’t mind. (Though most might not realize this, my primary reason for doing what I do online is that I simply enjoy it.) So, despite having no guarantee of being compensated by my mentor, the offer was attractive to me. And, beyond that, I saw it as a challenge: what if I threw myself into this new team? What if I just rolled with it, had a good time? It would certainly bring forth many new experiences, and that’s always good for blog posts, even if I totally make a fool of myself. So I happily agreed to film with her crew, and asked her to send me a copy of the legal document I’d have to sign, so I could review it. Surprisingly, she refused, and said that I had to trust her.
Whoa, what?Yeah, I know what you’re all probably thinking: red flag. But you have to understand, though I didn’t speak to her much beyond last year’s Dragon Con, this woman quickly understood things about my mentality, and she wanted to help push me beyond certain barriers. For example, she challenged me last year at Dragon Con to be less analytical in the selection of my guests, because she felt that I could pretty much interview anyone – there was no reason to pick and choose. Everyone’s interesting, whether they’re in costume or not. So, in her reluctance to send me the release agreement, she was reminding me that sometimes, my robotic mind could take a break. Therefore, I agreed, in the moment, that I would defer my judgement of the legal document until I saw it in person. That much I could do without putting myself in a vulnerable position, legally.
Before continuing with this tale, let me emphasize: last year, meeting this person was an extremely positive experience for me: she confirmed what I had long since suspected in my mind, what I was building towards, and beginning to see: that I could go far in the industry if I wanted to. The opportunity of working with her crew meant two things:
I’d have an opportunity to work with experienced professionals, and,
the concern of finding a camera crew would evaporate, leaving me instead to focus on my on-screen performance.
Through the collaboration, I could refine my interviews, explore more creative skits, and overall, just create even more stuff that I could be proud of. There was also the side-effect of increasing my visibility on the web, and if all went well, my readership, views, audience… maybeeven generating more income from from it. (She said she’d provide some monetary compensation when and if the content we filmed got picked up by a network.) Think about it: in my shoes, in a self-reflective phase, wouldn’t that be a really attractive prospect? To fast track my progress, potentially? Naturally, I was excited about where it might lead.
But I’m not one to be driven purely by my emotions, I calculate, I think. So after the call, despite the good news, I knew that my decision would ultimately be made at the moment that I saw the legal document in front of me. I usually preferred seeing things like that in advance, being a thoughtful creature… but I respected her decision, and shifted my focus to getting ready for Dragon Con, but not just any Dragon Con… a unique one.
As my first order of business, I proceeded to get my suit dry cleaned, while also packing the bags I’d have with me. The plan was to meet up with my mentor in the morning, hang around with her team, and then eventually film with them. I’d be traveling by public transportation, otherwise known as the MARTA (a network of trains and buses). I knew that this would mean carrying around my suit with me, in a suit bag (a thin, protective layer of material that is closed with a zipper)… plus my backpack, which contained a change of clothes and various other supplies. At a certain point, I was told I’d have the opportunity to put my stuff in one of their hotel rooms, to lessen the load, which was good. Since the meeting was in the morning, and I planned to use public transportation to get there, I knew I’d have to leave even earlier to get there on time. Plus, I hadn’t yet bought my pass, and I knew that that usually involved waiting in a line. Seeking to be my usual cautious self when it came to timing, and wanting to avoid hauling my heavy suit around too long, I arranged to have a lift to the place where I had to buy my pass, a specific hotel. I also made sure I had enough cash to pay for the full four days outright, rather than credit – I knew from experience that would result in a shorter line.
So on the first day of Dragon Con, I awoke in the early morning, and packed the last few things that were pending. Soon after exiting my room, though, I realized that the person giving me the lift seemed to be under the impression that I wanted a lift to the MARTA, not the registration hotel specifically. Furthermore, the lift’s departure time wasn’t what I expected – she offered to drive me out there two hours later than anticipated, which would have made me miss the meeting. Since I knew the person offering me the lift was lacking in the sleep department, and probably really didn’t want to do stuff in the early morning, I simply asked her to drop me off at the latest possible time that I could manage. And rather than having her drive me to the hotel, I just agreed to the MARTA drop-off. She needed the sleep, and I didn’t want to abuse of her generosity.
So next thing I knew, I was dropped off at the MARTA station. I immediately approached one of their Breeze card machines (necessary to access the MARTA network), and entered an order for a 3-day pass. When doing so, I selected credit as an option… however, eventually, it asked for a zip code. I wasn’t sure what to put since I was from Canada. Before comically defaulting to 90210 (or looking up the zip code where I was staying during my stay), I noticed a sign on the wall. Put simply, it stated that if the zip code differed from the credit card’s billing address, I’d have to call for assistance. Since I didn’t have time to spare, I immediately cancelled my transaction and decided I’d pay with cash. There was an assistance phone to my left, but I didn’t want to add that experience to my life at that particular time.
So I repeated the same steps, only this time, I fed a 20 dollar bill into the machine, and waited. And… waited. And… waited. For some reason, after paying, it seemed to be stuck on the “issuing card/change” step. There I stood, watching attentively as it struggled, forever lost in its thought, until I decided it was taking too long… I’d have to call for assistance (/sigh). The first thing the woman on the phone asked me to do was cancel, if I could. I tried that, but the machine didn’t respond, sure of its own sanity. Out of ideas, she dispatched an attendant to come assist me, and asked me to wait. At that moment, I sent a message to my mentor letting her know that I would likely be late due to transport issues (late lift arrival + waiting for attendant). A few minutes after, while still waiting for the person, the machine suddenly dropped out of the “issuing card/change” step, and threw a message to the screen: “cancelled due to lack of user action”. I had never been so happy to be kicked out for inactivity. Unfortunately, it also seemed to have forgotten that I had given it 20$. It had simply devoured my cash, without even having the decency to issue a receipt, so I had no proof that it accepted my money to begin with. After about 15 minutes of waiting, the attendant arrived – but given the lack of proof, he couldn’t refund me the cash. He said he needed to have witnessed everything, and since he didn’t, I’d have to file an incident report so an investigation could be launched. I agreed, and followed him back to his office, as requested.
Eventually, we approached this office with a big dark tinted window, likely double-sided so MARTA people could see out, but everyday folk couldn’t see in. As we approached the door, he turned and asked me to wait outside for him, to which I complied. And as I waited, with each passing minute, I debated whether 20$ was even worth the trouble, considering that I was going to be late for my meeting. After almost 10 minutes, he resurfaced with a form, one which he had pre-filled with the information I had already provided. He explained that the investigation might take up to 10 business days, and that I’d have to submit that form at one of two other stations to get it started: either Five Points (the center of the MARTA network), or Airport (the furthest station possible). My stop was the one right before Five Points, but I had to make it for that meeting, so I thanked the attendant and went on my way. I’d either have to mail it in, or visit that station sometime in between my Dragon Con days.
Since I wasn’t really an expert in their MARTA layout, when I landed at the right station, I popped out my phone to help me get situated. As was often the case during Dragon Con, downtown Atlanta had an abundance of cosplayers roaming its streets, and as long as I had a general sense of where my destination was, it was actually possible to follow the people in costume to find my way around. So I did that, and once I found the hotel, I was happy to see that the lines were short – my strategy of bringing cash had also placed me in the better of two payment lines. I soon got to the payment booths, where I paid for a 4-day pass given the filming I had agreed to, rather than the 2-day pass I was thinking of getting before. I then left and worked on locating my aforementioned mentor, which didn’t take all that long, thankfully.
Surprisingly, I had managed to make it roughly on time… I greeted everyone, and we jumped right into discussing the things we’d be doing. As you can imagine, there was a certain excitement to the whole meeting, for me, as it was the start of something really new, interesting. Fast forward a few minutes, and I had met more of her people, including the film crew, with whom I was to film some stuff in the coming hours. Next thing I knew, I was sitting opposite my mentor at a two-person table on a large outdoor balcony/rooftop type area (a few floors up the building, not the top), and a release agreement was placed in front of me. I read it, and it all seemed fairly standard, but I still wanted to call my sister, a lawyer, to get her opinion on the terms. My mentor wasn’t too thrilled with the idea, but she allowed me to do this. The result of the call was what I expected: it seemed, to us at least, that it was probably a boilerplate agreement, nothing really major to worry about: but there was one thing that bothered me: the scope. The language in the waiver wasn’t too specific, so basically anything she filmed of me would be hers, without compensation (other than a 1$ payment received immediately after signing), with no time limit and no specific event context. I thought about it, and decided that I wanted one change: a limit to the scope.
So I returned to my mentor, and mentioned the change that I desired: that the scope be explicitly set to Dragon Con 2014, after which we could revisit the possibility of me signing the broad release agreement. I suggested she think of it as a trial, simply, so I could test out the experience with her team. Long story short, she didn’t like this. Out of principle, she said1 she wouldn’t alter the agreement, at all, and that I’d either have to sign it as is, or not sign it. She mentioned how at least one specific high-ranking celebrity had signed the agreement, and that if they could do it, I could do it too. She emphasized how in that exact moment, that agreement was my first leap of trust – if I couldn’t actually bring myself to put aside my concerns and sign the document, according to her, I was never going to make it in the industry. Me not signing, in her opinion, would be proof that I would always be an obstacle to my own success. I continued to insist, and she even went so far as to say that I had no value (quite a change from everything else she told me in the past), and that she was taking a risk on me. I could understand this to a degree, but I disagreed with the whole “no value” part. When I mentioned that, she replied saying that I did have potential, and she was merely approaching the whole scenario as she felt any producer would. In other words, it was a test, and it all swung back around to trust, which in her mind, was the first step… signing that document was a symbol.
(1Whenever I refer to things that were said, please keep in mind that it’s never verbatim, and not necessarily in the order things were actually said in the moment. I’m merely simplifying the otherwise complex structure of certain conversations.)
When it came to trust, I felt I was being reasonable: I was willing to trust her to compensate as she felt fair, even though the agreement only promised a 1$ compensation right after signing. That was a compromise, of course, because legally, I’d have no guaranteed right to compensation beyond the 1$. But it was a calculated risk, and I felt it would have been acceptable given that my own solo efforts weren’t primarily driven by money. But beyond that, I really liked her as a mentor, and ideally, I wanted things to work out. Though I felt I was making a fair compromise based on trust, she wasn’t satisfied… she really wanted that signature, without any compromise of her own. And on my side, I knew with absolute certainty that I’d be foolish to just sign up out of sheer emotion, ignoring what I felt was unwise, an agreement without any clear limits. My request was simple, after all… I simply wanted her to write Dragon Con 2014 in pen, that’s all… but she refused, wasn’t willing. And so, after coming all that way, I had to refuse. The release agreement retired to her bag, unsigned. It was a sad conclusion, but I knew I had done what was right for me.
We still sat there and spoke, for a while, despite the unfortunate conclusion that had just reached. And then, at a certain point, her crew started gathering again, as they were were looking like they needed to mobilize. At around that time, she pointed at the suit bag that I’d been carrying around all day, and told me to get dressed, as I’d be going on camera soon. As you might imagine, at this point, I was really intrigued… how could she still want me to be on camera if she didn’t have the explicit right to use my footage? Did she simply not mind, and was putting trust… in me? So I asked her to clarify, and she claimed that she didn’t even need me to sign it anyway, and that shealready had footage of me giving her the right to use my material.
Now here’s the thing: last year, I did give permission to be interviewed by her people, but there’s no way that the audio clip I provided would ever reproduce the exact, broad terms she was looking for in that release agreement: if anything, it was just something like “sure, you can interview me.” Now, as you can imagine, I realized her choice of words were probably influenced by her annoyance with my refusal… to be taken with a grain of salt. But given the nature of the comment, I felt like it was a little close to being a fear tactic to get to me to comply. Who knows, maybe I misinterpreted it… but regardless, with the events that preceded, it meant that I was growing really uncomfortable with the whole arrangement. So eventually, I communicated that, and parted ways with her. I didn’t like seeing the plans crumble, but I felt I had to trust my instincts and walk away.
So, after a long, crazy morning, I emerged from the hotel, and realized that I now had to carry around my suit all day, despite not really needing it anymore. Among other things, no more filming plans meant no more hotel room to stash my suit bag. It might seem like a small thing, but I had a heavy suit in there, with two spare shirts backing it up. At Dragon Con, the main thing I would normally do is walk around, appreciating costumes, and taking photos of pretty much each one I saw. Do you know how annoying it is to fumble around with a suit bag in your arms before you can take a photo with your phone, sometimes needing both hands? Now, you might not realize this right away, but this wasn’t any old suit bag. Think about what that suit bag symbolized, at that point: it contained the clothing that I would wear, on camera, with this film crew – and it’s the exact suit that I flew with in case I’d get a chance to film. A suit bag that I would have left in the hotel room of one of my mentor’s teams, a team that would have been my team (at least for that Con). Furthermore, it was also related to me classing up my look on camera, an initiative that was partially motivated by my mentor’s support last year. So it was a really positive thing…. which then kind of turned into a negative after the whole deal imploded.
I tell you, that suit bag just got heavier as the day went on. I fumbled with it between photos, while I ate lunch, while I met people, and while I attended panels. During panels, I simply flopped the thing on the back of my chair, and used it as extra padding. And then there were other cases, like in the bathroom: you know how there are usually places to hook hangers in stalls? Well, that’s great, but there’s usually nothing when you’re washing your hands. So in those moments, I’d have to put my backpack down, then flop my suit bag right on top of that, while I washed up. By the time I went back to pick it up, it had usually slid part-way down the backpack, and found itself on the floor. All day, that suit just continued to remind me of the day’s unfortunate events.
Up until, eventually, I decided I was done… I was tired, and quite frankly, I wasn’t having the best day, considering how the super exciting meeting ended pretty much on the opposite side of the spectrum. I knew I did the right thing, I had no regrets, but I was pretty tired. Instead of heading straight home, I summoned the energy to take the MARTA to Five Points, one station over, where I handed them the completed form so they would eventually release my 20 dollar bill from custody. Then, I boarded the train to head back to the station where I was dropped in the morning. As I sat in the train, I flopped my suit bag on the seat next to me, and I began to reflect on the events of the day. Among other things, I remembered that I paid for the full 4 days, expecting to be with my mentor and her crew, rather than the 2 days I had originally planned. 4 days only made sense if I was filming, which was no longer the case, so I decided that I would skip the last two days, and instead go rafting with my sister, my original plan. I also decided that I would approach the next day’s Dragon Con as I originally intended – I would have fun, re-experience it as I once did, and derive humor from it. Losing the cash for those two extra days was unfortunate, but I tried to look at it with positivity: that money was supporting my beloved Dragon Con.
So as I was pondering all this on the train, it came to a halt, abruptly. Me and the other passengers looked at each other, all expecting a message via the intercom, at some point. We waited, silently, and eventually, someone’s voice crackled through the speakers. We just couldn’t actually understand anything they were saying…. there was too much static, the person was talking too fast, and they were not really pronouncing their words too well. A couple of us laughed out loud, and shook our heads at the stereotypical bad subway audio. Eventually, we understood “mechanical problems,” and that was enough. One woman actually spoke up, and told us all how she’d been delayed all day with the MARTA, and that she couldn’t believe she encountered yet another problem on the same day. I glanced at my suit bag, flopped over next to me, and laughed internally… yea, I knew what it was like to have a messed up day.
After a few minutes, the MARTA resumed, and I eventually found myself at my destination. It’s at that point that I realized that there were no buses leaving from that station directly. So I called my sister to see if she could pick me up, which she agreed to do, but cautioned that it was traffic hour, and that she might be delayed as a result. Upon hearing this, I instead suggested that I hop back into the MARTA train, and travel to the next station (which I knew would have bus service), and then simply find my way back to her place by catching the bus. I reasoned that it would be cool to get used to the public transport system in Atlanta, given how often I visit. She agreed, and I went off on my journey, which was fairly straight-forward, in my mind.
Unfortunately, in my fatigue, I got confused about which train was the right one, and missed two in a row. The third I thankfully caught, and it did in fact get me to the right place. So from that new station, I walked down a few blocks, and began to wait at the bus sign, alone. After a while, I realized that it was actually pretty hot outside, it being Atlanta in the summer, and all. This seemed problematic given a general lack of tree cover, and a rising suspicion that the bus just wasn’t coming – I thought I missed it. So I called the hotline I saw advertised for the MARTA, and after waiting a minute or so, I confirmed with a MARTA employee that it was, in fact, on its way… it was just late. After what seemed like forever, with my suit bag cleverly hooked into the bus sign, I spotted the bus in the distance. It was a long, tiring day… a lot went wrong, but when I boarded that bus… only one thing mattered in the universe… and that was that they had air conditioning cranked to the max… and it was divine. And so there I sat, with a grin on my face as I enjoyed the unexpected, super-powered air conditioning, something our buses definitely didn’t have in Montreal, and despite the unfortunate events of the day, the turbulence, for a moment there, I was pretty damn content.
I stopped near my sister’s place, marched up to her door, unlocked it, and I dropped that damn suit bag right on the table, at long last. It was a lovely moment in time. I started the day with really high expectations, only to have them fall apart. I lost a mentor, a machine ate my money, a train broke down, my suit bag experienced more of the world than ever before… altogether, it wasn’t the best of days. But you know what? I’ll never forget how amazing that air conditioning felt in that bus, at that moment.
One day, at work, I received a text message from a colleague. All it said was the following:
I was busy doing a few things at once, at the time, so it took me about a second to get back into the context. Basically, she had ordered food for lunch, and was looking to collect the cash before the restaurant actually delivered. It wasn’t long before I dropped the money off, and went on with my day. But when I looked at the text message again, I saw more than just a request for action – there was some humor to it, in my mind.
It was the sheer simplicity of the text, “money please,” that spoke to me. To me, those two words perfectly summed up what some unfortunate, bitter men might think of women: that they’re only after money, in life. Though I absolutely didn’t agree with that view of women, and their desires, I did find humor in the fact that those two words, together, were so brilliantly suited to be matched with that stereotype/mindset. So I kept it in mind, and knew that eventually, I’d want to make use of that idea in some way, for humor.
And today’s the day that I show the result of that effort, a book cover:
Money, Please: How the Key to Female Attraction Was In Your Wallet This Whole Time (Photo of woman by TaxCredits.net)
Now, I’m the type of guy that isn’t afraid to make fun of himself when he makes a mistake, as you’ve seen before. But I also like making fun of certain things that I feel are ridiculous, by nature. Stereotypes, in my mind, are pretty ridiculous. How, I ask, can generalized beliefs about a group of people possibly be valid if they were concluded after only encountering a tiny subset of that group’s population? If you were a guy, and all your girlfriends (or boyfriends, whatever floats your boat) happened to be primarily motivated by acquiring money when looking for a partner, then I can understand that in your frustration, you might start believing that that’s the way the world works. I’d sympathize with your unfortunate luck, but in my mind, this can’t possibly reveal anything about women (or men) as a whole. The only thing it might do is start revealing something on an incredibly limited geographical basis, and even then, prepare to adjust your statement accordingly: “most of the women I’ve dated in this area have been primarily motivated by money,” rather than the dramatized “women are always after money.”
But anyway, it’s by playing with that type of stereotype that I designed the book cover you see above. And though I got really silly by making it a dating book whose contents were focused on finance, I still wanted to make sure that the audience understood that I was aware of my own ridiculousness. Hence, two female quotes on the cover which aren’t exactly supportive, and a few questionable sources of income listed as money-making tips. You know, in case the base premise of the book wasn’t obvious enough.
In the end, I really enjoyed making this book cover, much like I did when I made “Feel Free to Approach“. So much so, in fact, that I started to wonder if I should also write the contents for these books as well, rather than just doing the cover page. So in the future, you might see me go a bit further with these ideas.
You know those moments where you wish you had thought a little bit more before you spoke? I know I just finished writing a blog post about not using my brain wherever possible, but those kinds of moments aren’t exactly what I meant.
So, I was at the grocery store today, and I set my eyes on pizza crust… otherwise known as the first ingredient in a meal that is pretty much destined to be tasty. As I typically do, I scanned the available packages, and looked for the one with the furthest best before date. I soon located the freshest, most suitable candidate for my eventual consumption, but right as I was putting it in my shopping cart, I did a double-take. There was something about the best before sticker, seen below.
As I was pondering, I noticed a short grocery employee walking by with a dirty metallic rack of some sort, and gestured that I had a question. She noticed, and soon moved up next to me to look where I was pointing, the best before sticker. To do this, she had to balance the awkward chunk of metal on one side, angling her body to better hold the weight. Once she could see, I asked my question:
“Is it possible that this thing expires in 5 days?”
She paused, briefly, and responded with a flat “yes,” with her tone slightly hinting what she felt: that the question had a fairly obvious answer. I nodded, and she carried on with her work.
Now, see, what I was thinking about (and you have every reason to doubt me right now, but I assure you, I was thinking) was the date format, which was ambiguous due to its numbering. The typical date format that I prefer is month, day, year, but in Quebec, it tends to be day, month, year, as that’s the configuration in French. I knew it was likely the French version, but I wasn’t totally convinced. And before solving that mystery, my brain jumped immediately to another: the length of freshness advertised, and what clues it might give about the format. Based on the look of the pizza crust, I kind of expected it to be loaded with preservatives, and thus, have a longer shelf life than a measly 5 days. But I didn’t get a chance to check the ingredients, or anything. Before I could think to do that, I spotted the helpful grocery store employee, and opted for a human exchange.
But I soon realized the humor embedded within my question. If, in fact, the date format were in English, then that would mean the bread was packaged on the January 7th, with a best before date ending the same day, but in June. That, obviously, would be one mutant piece of fresh food, with the most powerful preservatives ever to bless a piece of bread. Clearly, the most logical solution, had I completed my thinking before seeking human assistance, was that the expiry date had a far higher probability of being 5 days, rather than 5 months. And, seeing as the product actually had a “packaged on” date on an external sticker, it was likely printed and pasted on the spot, and thus, it was likely never super sealed for an endless shelf-life; instead, it was probably baked in-store, for freshness. You know, exactly the type of thing that bakeries generally do.
In the end, as stupid as I might have come off, I enjoyed the situation. Every now and then, I say things to strangers that show a serious lack of thought, and yet, I do feel that I possess a fairly satisfactory level of intelligence. But if you asked those people, and their limited interactions with me, I’d probably seem to be lacking in the brain department. But you know, that’s the comedy of life… the more mistakes I make, the more stories I can laugh about, and often, blog about. It’s a good life.
You know what I like? Not using my brain. Sometimes, I find it refreshing to just hand over control, and enjoy a pre-established solution. Consider GPS navigation systems in cars, as an example – here we have a device that is capable of directing us, and as long as we follow its instructions (with common sense), there’s really no need to know every single step in the trip. We can just have faith that the automatic directions are gonna get us to where we want to go. If we miss a turn, no problem – the GPS adjusts itself to the new trajectory, and once again, no need to worry, no need to think.
Now, of course, the brain is kind of completely essential when driving vehicles, so don’t take this as an official endorsement from me to drive around wearing an Occulus Rift, or anything like that. All I’m saying is that is can be refreshing to outsource certain responsibilities, and to me, directions seem like a good candidate, especially considering the state of modern mapping technology. And in the end, all of us are better than one of us: regardless of the service provider we’re talking about, you can probably bet that their solution is the sum of many competent minds. Probably.
So even if I devise the ultimate path to a given destination, mapping software will likely be better. After all, mapping solutions are built on a foundation of data, and the exploitation of that data is always getting better. Sure, there’s the basic concept of calculating the shortest path to a destination based on the distance alone. But then there’s other elements, such as traffic, something Google, for example, improves over time by having its Android phones automatically relay their positions. Not only that, but Maps also shows live traffic incidents like accidents and construction. Microsoft has a similar offering with its Bing Maps, where it uses artificial intelligence known as ClearFlow to predict the best routes. Altogether, it leads us to a point where mapping software can quickly suggest the fastest path, with a good chance of it being accurate. And if anything’s wrong with the directions, we can report that to our almighty mapping overlords, and the service improves for all, not just us. And that’s if no one else reported the error first.
Now, I don’t have a car, as some of you know, so I generally don’t get to use GPS navigation for that. Instead, when I have multiple errands to run, I tend to make use of Montreal’s public transportation: metro and bus, all the way. Often, I have to drop by multiple spots on my trip, but here’s the great part: if you were to ask me in the middle of my day how I was going to get home, I wouldn’t know the details. That’s because I figure out what my next step is only when I’m ready to act (lazy loading). So, for example, if I’m at my first destination, and I want to go to my next destination, I’d ask my phone how to do that (via Google Maps). My phone then calculates based on my current location how I would get to my next destination, and it’s at that moment that I actually find out what I’m going to do. Oh, I have to walk to that corner and wait 5 mins for bus 93? And pay $3? Sounds good to me. And if I miss it, no problem… I can see alternate buses that will get me to the same destination.
In the past, a multi-stop day like that would have to be planned carefully with bus schedules, maps, all that jazz. These days, I find it one of the most relaxing endeavors – I don’t even need to know what’s going to happen, exactly, and I know it’ll all get done anyway. After all, if I get to a destination, there’s a good chance I can find a way back… and if all else fails, I’ll pay for a taxi… but I have yet to be in a situation where that was necessary. The biggest hurdle I faced so far was having to walk a good 20 minutes to get to a particular destination from a bus stop, which, in my mind, is just another happy moment to torch some calories, and also, this time of year, to accumulate a fashionable amount of skin damage.
Altogether, I’m the type of guy that dislikes stress and needless complication of my everyday life. If I can delegate certain tasks and responsibilities, I’m all for it – as long as it gives me more time to do what I truly enjoy doing. I like that I can generally trust my phone for directions, that’s progress… but what fascinates me further is the innovations that have yet to appear. For example, I really want to see a solution to the modern day need of doing one’s own laundry. Now, I know, some of you may joke and say “isn’t that what women are for?”, and while your comedic exploitation of a ridiculous stereotype would amuse me… I’d still disagree completely. I rather have some sort of automated solution where I drop all my dirty clothes in a machine that sorts through colors, has all the detergent, and uses artificial intelligence and machine learning to know when to do a wash, and when to present me with automatically dried, folded clothes, and a free mint. Okay, maybe not that last part.
Overall, I see my desire to simplify as a reflection of my interest in usability, originally fostered as a web design interest. I spend a good deal of my life interacting with software and websites, and when there’s a lack of intuitiveness, or needless complication, as I sometimes call it, it just adds that little bit of stress in my life that I feel I could really do without. Most of the routine stuff we do should be straight-forward, and with little to no thought necessary to figure out. It is in this spirit that I titled my post after Steve Krug’s book “Don’t Make Me Think: A Common Sense Approach to Web Usability,” a great guide that helps developers and designers avoid usability mistakes.
So it’s all about technology, if you ask me, folks. I’m always looking to simplify, and as along as companies develop great ways of helping me do that, I’m on board.
Well, shit. Guess I’m walking.
Jokes aside, sometimes, there are bugs – but that’s to be expected. The issue above had something to do with my phone being confused about my current location. I got around it by just typing in my location manually.
BONUS: Notice how I included a laundry photo in this post, and it just-so-happens there’s a woman in it? As part of my usual approach to finding photos, I considered many options on Flickr – but that one was the best quality option given my licensing needs. Unfortunately, the woman’s presence kind of looked like it played into my whole “woman doing laundry” joke, which I didn’t want it to do. And when I clicked through, I laughed at my bad luck – the description even had a quote from Burt Reynolds about marriage being the most expensive way to get someone to do your laundry. Anyone that spends enough time with me in real life knows that my enjoyment of stereotype humor is derived from how completely ridiculous I think it is. The idea that a person of a particular gender should be destined to fulfill a certain role is so incredibly ludicrous to me – and that’s exactly why I find it funny – it’s totally warped and out of place, in my mind.
This week, I decided to seek the advice of a pharmacist. “It’s actually pretty simple,” I said, “I’d like to go to La Ronde [an amusement park] without being sick.” The pharmacist laughed. See, the last time I rode a roller coaster, I was really young, and the result wasn’t pretty. It didn’t result in extreme projectile vomiting, or anything graphic like that. I just felt really, really nauseous, and after that one ride, I’d had enough.
But time passed since then, and I’m the type that likes to face obstacles, fears, and basically anything that brings me discomfort that I feel shouldn’t. So when a colleague invited me to visit La Ronde, I knew what I had to do. My body didn’t like being thrown around like a ragdoll, it was pretty clear about that before. But I wanted to be flung around… it seemed like it might be fun. So I thought about it, and it hit me… why not prevent my body from expressing itself? Surely, that would solve everything… right?
And so I sought anti-nausea/motion sickness pills, and soon enough, I had to make a choice. There was this one patch that you could wear on your neck for up to three days (hardcore), or, there was something far simpler: ginger root pills. One had a list of medicinal ingredients, and the other, one ingredient… and a fairly harmless one at that. Since I’m the type that likes to eliminate as many ingredients as possible, and only take what I need when I need it, I swore loyalty to the almighty ginger root; however, my choice came with a risk. In my experience, with alternate medicines, you never really know whether they’re going to be effective, or not.
Given my background, I knew that the responsible thing to do would be to test the solution before actually trying it out in the field. So, like a bold urban cosmonaut, I grabbed hold of a book, and boarded a local bus. There, I performed a crucial test that in no way reduced my overall manliness… the basic travel sickness test: could I possibly read while traveling? And not feel sick, for once? Could my body, with ginger, achieve what was previously unachievable? (If the event had been televised, viewers would no doubt have held their breaths in suspense.)
I travelled to an electronics store, bought some stuff, and came back, reading both ways. The result? Projectile vomi- nah, all went well… I just felt about 10% of my usual motion sickness. Good enough for my upcoming roller coaster torture session? Time will tell… but either way, I can officially say that I once boarded a bus primarily to see if I’d get sick from it. And that’s something.
Update: Actual shuttle launch resulted in zero nausea. Success!
It’s not exactly uncommon for me to roam the city of Montreal on my bike, as I enjoy a fitness-oriented life. Like most, I’ve been awaiting the arrival of summer with enthusiasm; spring being an appreciated intro. Today, I set out to do my usual routine: 20km, with no specific plan, trajectory-wise. I tend to vary the paths that I take, and I don’t usually know what I’m doing until I decide in the moment; however, there are certain trends that can be observed. My most frequent location, for example, is Parc Jean Drapeau, a local park that hosts the yearly Grand Prix races. Parc Jean Drapeau is fairly accessible, and it has a nice balance of greenery and asphalt, where the latter culminates with one major feature: the Gilles Villeneuve racing circuit. The significance here lies in the racetrack’s availability to cyclists – as long as the track’s not being used for an event, and the weather’s appropriate, it’s open to all.
Usually, after zipping around the racetrack a few times, I take a moment to lay in the grass, where I read a book, and also catch up on social media. Today, I sat down to do just this, and realized I was thirsty. As usual, I opened my bag to find my water bottle, only to realize that I had forgotten it… many miles away, in my fridge. It occurred to me, at that moment, that I wasn’t sure where I could find water fountains at the Parc. I remembered that they put up signs promoting their social media presence, and my brain came up with an interesting question: if I tweeted my location to the Parc’s Twitter account, would they actually help me find the closest water fountain? From previous interactions, I knew they would be responsive… but would they be so good as to respond to my miniature moment of distress? As a social media consumer and consultant, I was really curious to see what would unfold. So, I sent a tweet their way:
@ParcJeanDrapeau Where might I find water fountains, considering where I am now? Please see photo. #INeedSustenance pic.twitter.com/lvvRL6y4Eq
Of course, I was completely aware that my request was coated with a certain amount of ridiculousness. (You know, in case the Thor reference didn’t give it away.) In the spectrum of thirst, it’s not like I was so desperate that I was considering drinking puddle water, or was looking for droplets on leaves. I was just slightly thirsty, and if I had decided to use my adult brain to locate water, I was sure I could figure something out. I’d check around buildings first, and if that failed, I’d just ask random humans or, worse case, head home. But, being me, I thought why not? Let’s see if they reply. Let’s see if they’re that cool.
After waiting about 35 minutes, I didn’t receive a reply… and considering the timing, I felt that perhaps they had finished work for the day. So, rather than continue waiting, I figured I’d just, you know, use my brain. So I started biking towards a major building that I suspected might have water fountains, and accidentally rode up the wrong path, which lead up to an entrance. An employee of the Parc was there, and he asked me if he could help me find anything. I mentioned water fountains, and he explained how to get to an area where there were bathrooms and a fountain, through the gardens and under a bridge. I thanked him and moved in that direction.
Sure enough, it was at that location that I found the water fountain. Reflecting on the tweet I had sent, and my journey to water, I found myself amused with how silly it was for me to wait for help, rather than just head out and use my own intelligence to find a solution. To poke fun at myself and the situation, I thought that it would be entertaining to write a dramatic series of tweets about the adventure. So, I did that.
About 40 mins ago I tweeted the fine folks at #ParcJeanDrapeau with a photo, asking them where water fountains were relative to my location
While writing these tweets, the Parc Jean Drapeau account replied to my original tweet with the water fountain location, which is totally awesome in terms of service. It really showed their devotion to having an active social media presence. Because of their reply, I decided to keep my dramatic story short, though I could have honestly kept it going for quite a while, exaggerating everything. Even in its brevity, I felt it had just the right amount of drama, considering how incredibly insignificant the entire situation was (universally-speaking). To further highlight the ridiculousness, I knew I had to end with something really silly, so I figured I’d, I don’t know, take a selfie with the water fountain.
And then… water, my salvation. The legendary fountain located, and an awkward selfie to immortalize the moment. pic.twitter.com/bH88aeCrRJ
I had a choice of three photos, and this one looked the most ridiculous. My expression communicated a certain… slightly-crazed excitement about what I’d found, but yet, my actual problem remained so undramatic. It was a perfect match. It also put me in an incredibly awkward public situation, which amused me further.
This whole experience has taught me exactly how awkward selfies can be. #DontMindMe #IReallyWantToBePicturedWithMyPalTheWaterFountain
So, at the end of the day, Parc Jean Drapeau’s Twitter presence really came through. If they hadn’t replied to me, I would have found my water source, but it would have been a cold, one-sided experience. While social media can sometimes be judged to be socially damaging, I would argue otherwise… it’s there as an additional way of connecting – an option, to be used or not. From a support perspective, there’s something quite satisfying about the quick responses one can get on Twitter, and similar services. I’ve seen this with other companies as well, in the past: Netflix and Buffer, mainly. When I communicate with either of them about an issue, they reply really quickly, and that response time plus their tone/delivery shows me that they care. Buffer, in particular, really believes in this: they speak regularly of customer happiness, and it closely relates to their social media presence. So even though I could clearly summon the mental capabilities to solve my own problem, I appreciated the assistance. It was quick, and it was social.
While I was tweeting my dramatic search 4 water, the #ParcJeanDrapeau ppl replied with the location. Great service & #SocialMedia devotion!
