I always enjoyed watching Mythbusters when growing up – it was satisfying to see the scientific method applied to test myths, especially with the natural straight man / funny man dynamic that Jaime Hyneman and Adam Savage had going. I always found myself gravitating more towards Adam given his enthusiasm and positivity.
So when the show stopped airing, I would inevitably find myself watching his content on YouTube. It was really interesting to hear stories behind the show, but I also quickly discovered exactly how passionate he was about his craft, as a maker. He would get so much enjoyment out of creating props from movies, TV shows, and seemed to be a living encyclopedia for his craft. To the point, even, that he had a functional ruler tattooed onto his arm, so that he could get quick measurements to help him while working – quite the character!
But the best part, for me, was discovering that we had similar psychology in specific areas. So for example, in my previous post “Yes, And…“, I reference a video where Adam mentions he decided to embark on learning a new skill, and when he communicated his intention to a mentor, the mentor told him how wrong his approach was, basically responding to his enthusiasm with negativity. Whereas Adam’s approach, when he’s the mentor, is more about praising the enthusiasm and guiding the person to success – which I love, of course.
Just the other day, I bumped into another video from Adam, one which was recorded two years prior, in a segment where he answered questions from the audience. Here’s what the person asked:
“Do you share your ideas for your next build with friends or family? I stopped sharing because they would just tell me it would be stupid or too hard to do. How do you combat that negative feedback?”
You should probably watch the response (about 4 minutes long), but I’ll summarize it below if you rather read.
He says the following – I bolded certain segments for emphasis:
You gotta learn the hard way who you can and can’t talk to. You don’t know until you’ve shared, and yeah, the problem is, when you’ve talked about something you’re excited about and someone is careless with your emotions about it, and by careless I mean they aren’t paying attention to your excitement, they’re paying attention to how they might solve the problem that you’re planning to solve. Which, look, that could be a fine conversation, if you don’t care what they think – but when we share our excitement and enthusiasm, we make ourselves vulnerable. We’re sharing something deeper than we often think.”
Once again, I see a kindred spirit in Adam given how he replies to this. A long time ago, I learned this lesson – I had shared enthusiastic ideas more than once, only to have been told how it was impossible, stupid, or just not the right approach. Thus, I reached the point where I determined that the best course of action was almost always to keep my enthusiasm to myself. And it wasn’t about people necessarily being malicious or ill-intentioned – I think Adam’s use of the word “careless” captures it perfectly – it’s more that people misunderstand of the significance in that moment to the person who is sharing their excitement – and the consequences of mismanaging a response to that excitement.
I come from a background where I was bullied, extensively – as a result, I grew to be very careful in how I spoke to others – I wanted to prevent anyone from feeling like I did growing up. Combine that with my past experiences sharing my enthusiasm, only to be met with negative feedback, and you’ll understand why I am especially conscious of my responsibility when people approach me, enthusiastic, passionate, even if I don’t fully relate to the thing they are passionate about. It’s not to say that I’m perfect – there have been plenty of moments where I felt I could have reacted better. But I knew in those moments the impact I could potentially have on how a person felt, and that generally started me off on the right foot.
It’s also a question of making the terms clear. As Adam explains:
If somebody is sharing with you something they are excited about, your primary job as a human is to listen to them. If you have an opinion and you want to share it, you should ask them their permission.
There’s undeniable value in providing honest feedback – as long as the person is indeed ready to receive such feedback. It’s really important to ensure that that’s what they’re looking for. And as it’s being delivered, even if it’s a tactful response, it’s my opinion that the person’s enthusiasm must be protected above all else – it is a potent fuel source – and the last thing a flame needs is to be muffled out as it’s starting up, without realizing its full potential. I’d rather help it grow.