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One of the Last Known Survivors

By June 26, 2013December 1st, 2013Humor

I recently began going through my old belongings in an effort to clear out the excess that I’d accumulated over the years, and in doing so, I encountered a particular item that proved problematic. You see, the item in question was a 3 1/2 floppy drive, you know, the old technology that no one uses these days. I specifically remembered that I had never actually tested it – so it was highly possible that the thing wasn’t even functional to begin with. Not only that, but the drive had other flaws: it was beige (a color that most people aren’t interested in), and plus, it was wrapped in plastic wrap – a material that may conduct low amounts of static electricity. I clearly recalled wrapping it, way back when, and the idea was to protect it from dust; unfortunately, I failed to consider the damage the static electricity might do.

In any case, what this all meant was that I had a highly undesirable item that might not even work – but yet, I wasn’t the type to just throw stuff away. So instead of just popping it into the recycling bin in the hopes that the city’s services would know what to do, I figured I’d have some fun with it. The result was the following: an ad I posted on Kijiji, a classified ad site.

A Kijiji ad titled: Old and Most Probably Broken Floppy Drive

Here’s the text if you rather read off this page:

“Old and Most Probably Broken Floppy Drive

I offer you one of the last known survivors of a dying race, the common floppy drive. This mighty warrior has a long history of interpreting complex arrangements of 0s and 1s, the twisted language of machines. After such a illustrious career, he had but one wish in life: to die with dignity. Instead, he was found wrapped in plastic wrap, a material that may very well conduct small amounts of static electricity, the one weakness of his kind. This offer is therefore made with a certain sadness, as the aforementioned hero may not actually be alive, behind his clingy but transparent coffin. But one thing is certain, my friends… he has written, and he has read.”

The little joke resulted in some really amusing e-mails from the people that caught sight of it. One guy replied with:

“Nice. What about to send it to the garbage?”

To which I replied:

“A hero deserves a chance at rebirth, or at the very least, the finest of funerals.”

Naturally, I didn’t really care that much about the drive – but I had invested myself in the romantic tale of a dying warrior, and I figured I’d continue having fun with it. It seemed like a better alternative than just chucking it in the trash and calling it a day.

If you enjoyed this post, I highly recommend you read Understanding the Balloon.

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