Photo by Steve Loya

They’ve always had problems with theft, especially since stores started selling re-usable grocery bags. To counter theft, they have cameras installed throughout the store, and they also ask that customers leave their bags at the front desk when they come in. Usually, when I visit, I don’t bother taking off my backpack. I don’t like having to worry about my belongings, and, naturally, I know I would never steal. It seems they agree with the latter, as they never asked me to leave my bag with them.

So, as I walked into the store on this particular day, I was carrying a re-usable grocery bag, one filled with groceries from another store. Without really thinking about it, I walked in as I usually did, and walked towards the refrigerators, seeking a particular product: Slow Cow. Slow Cow is pretty much the opposite of Red Bull, both in function and in name. It is a product that will help you relax, rather than help you stay active.

Photo by Francis Bourgouin

So, once I saw the can, I took it off the shelf, and dropped it into my bag. It took about three seconds for me to realize what I had done. I placed the drink in my bag, amongst other products from another store. It could certainly be interpreted as an attempt at theft. Upon realizing this, I immediately retrieved the can from my bag, and at that precise moment, the owner turned the corner, and greeted me. While still holding the can, I greeted him with enthusiasm, all the while thinking how bad the situation must look. I’m still holding the can, and he appeared at a perfect moment to see me remove it from my bag. It took most of my mental strength to suppress the smile that was forming on my face. It was something I would have expected to see on Seinfeld. Thankfully, the owner seemed to assume nothing was odd, which was exactly the case. Had it been shown on Seinfeld, I suspect a different outcome would have been written. It just all seems so illogical, so ridiculous… why would anyone target such a friendly store, one that is also close to his work and his family? It just suggests a significant lack of analysis and thought, to the point where one would suspect mental instability. Seems like a perfect scene for George…

Reviewed by
Joseph Pereira

ID,NAME
1,KARA
2,GAIUS
3,SAUL

As you can see, the above CSV contents are completely valid. However, when I tried to open it in Excel 2000, I received this error message:

When I tried to press the OK button, Excel just gave up loading the CSV. While I didn’t know what they meant by “SYLK“, I assumed something was wrong with the CSV export. Maybe there was an invalid, invisible character in the file, preventing Excel from parsing it – perhaps making it think it was another format. To test this theory, I used one of my favorite features in Notepad++, one that allows me to see all characters, even those which are normally invisible.

Using the feature, I could tell that there were only carriage returns (CR) and line breaks/feeds (LF), which are perfectly valid for a CSV.

With that possibility ruled out, I decided to try the same CSV in a newer version of Excel – the 2007 edition. When I went to open it, I was unfortunately greeted with the same type of errors:

Despite these errors, through the selection of the appropriate dialog options – I was at least still able to view the CSV within Excel:

At this point, however, I was really intrigued – so I googled the original error message I received in Excel 2000. I found a Microsoft article explaining the behavior, while also offering a workaround. When reading the article, I could barely hold in my laughter:

SYMPTOMS

When you try to open a text file or a comma-separated variable (CSV) file, you may receive the following error message:

SYLK: File format is not valid

CAUSE

This problem occurs when you open a text file or CSV file and the first two characters of the file are the uppercase letters “I” and “D”. For example, the text file may contain the following text:

ID, STATUS

123, open

456, closed

Note This problem does not occur if the first two letters are lowercase “i” and “d”.

WORKAROUND

To open your file in Excel, open the file in a text editor, and then insert an apostrophe at the beginning of the first line of text.

How to Insert an Apostrophe

To add an apostrophe to the beginning of the first line of text in your file, follow these steps:

1.  Open the text file in a text editor, such as Notepad. Click before the first character in the first line of text. Press the APOSTROPHE key on your keyboard (‘).

2. On the File menu, click Save. Quit the text editor. You can now open the file in Excel.

Source: http://support.microsoft.com/kb/323626

I think you need to be a developer to truly appreciate how funny this is. I had to mention this bug to the client, because the likelihood of the ID being the first text in the file was pretty high. Even then, I mentioned they should read the Microsoft article only if they encountered the problem. No way am I going to explain the awkward workaround myself.

So, I confirmed that the bug was still present in Excel 2007. I just hope that Microsoft fired the developer that came up with the SYLK detection logic. Assuming that a file is a particular type based solely on the first two characters (“ID”) is a big risk, especially when those two characters are part of the alphabet, and are also common in IT.  I’m guessing there are complexities I don’t see… or at least, I hope so. Either way, their workaround is really unbelievable… they’re actually telling people to add an apostrophe as the first character of the file. I’m aware that Microsoft is a large complicated beast with many different teams  involved in releasing bug fixes, but this one is just so ridiculous.

For example, here’s what the “Go To” dialog looks like in Notepad++. You can access it by pressing CTRL+G.

The dialog features an "I'm going nowhere" button, which closes the dialog.

Not sure that’s the best design for the dialog – but I appreciated the humor.  :)

"Can u cough with your mouth closed with out any thing happening?"

While difficult to take seriously, Yahoo! Answers does at least offer a good laugh.

The cabinet was almost completely full – each package you see in the photo had another identical one right behind it. Needless to say, we didn’t finish all the cookies – I had to give them away to friends and family.

Can I sue Facebook for putting my pictures on the Internet?

I like how all the others answers were, for the most part, completely correct – and yet the chosen “best answer” is ridiculous.

A few days ago, while eating supper, I felt a pain when closing my jaw – it originated from a particular tooth.  I was able to trigger the pain every few tries, and I thought I chipped it in some way, maybe revealing a cavity or something. With this in mind, I looked for a new dentist in my area. Since I’m a fan of user reviews and ratings, I felt I should start by considering those that had positive reviews. Google Maps is actually pretty good at this – I found two local dentists with 10+ ratings, most of which were positive. I called the one with the most positive ratings, and set an appointment – it was today at 1:00pm. I had them schedule a cleaning, and afterward, a check-up with an extra slot for a cavity repair, as I figured I had one.

by cwalker71

When I went to my appointment, everything seemed to be going OK. The woman doing my cleaning was actually a great person to talk to, and she didn’t mind answering my questions. After examining and cleaning my teeth she was able to spot a potential of 4 (yes, four) cavities. I was a little freaked out, and I was hoping the doctor himself would clarify this – maybe she was wrong about 1 or 2 of them? What you need to understand is that at one point in my past, about 2 years ago, I was told I had 7 (yes, SEVEN) cavities – and I was totally shocked. Prior to being told I had 7, I always brushed twice a day, and used Listerine daily. After explaining this to my dentist, I was told that floss was probably the missing element, so I fully accepted flossing every day – hell, I even started flossing twice a day, to be safe. Knowing I’ve been flossing 1-2 times a day, and brushing 2 times a day, I never expected to have more than 2 cavities. So here I was, at a new dentist, and this girl was telling me I might have 4 new cavities. I was, again, a little shocked, but I thought she knew what she was doing – so I waited until I saw the dentist, I figured he would confirm it.

The dentist proceeded to examine my teeth, along with another assistant (not the same girl as before), and I immediately noticed he was a pretty cool guy to converse with as well – reflecting what I read in the reviews. While he was working on my teeth and gums, I noticed a few weird personality traits, and they led me to be concerned. The first one happened when he poked at something – and I said “ow” and asked him what he did. He said that he simply poked at my gum, and that I overreacted. Overreacted? Excuse me? If it hurts, I’m going to react accordingly. That was the first sign that this guy had some quirks. I also began to notice that he worked very fast, and seemed a bit hyperactive – he didn’t waste any time at all. I sensed he was beginning to get a little impatient with me, when I didn’t reply quickly enough to his queries and directions. I was still fine with all this – I thought the guy was a little weird, and that was fine by me. The next thing that raised a flag was one point where he stopped working and said “What’s wrong with you? You seem to be really nervous, at least in your mouth area – the rest of your body seems relaxed.” I just shrugged that one off, but I knew that this was primarily because of his overall speed and brewing impatience. Still, despite these little weird moments, I still had nothing against the guy – at least not at that moment. He went on to tell me that I’d need 6 (yes, SIX!!!) cavities repaired. Oh, not only that – he felt I would need braces too, and that I should start using dental guards again – when I sleep. My reaction to this was along these lines: I thought it was ridiculous that a guy that took care of his teeth as much as me would have 6 cavities, but I accepted it. The braces – I wasn’t looking forward to it, but his arguments made sense – if I needed braces, I’d get braces. Whatever. The dental guard – again, not a problem for me. If I needed to wear it at night, then I would – no problem. The cavities were the biggest shock here, as I thought I had corrected my problem when I began obsessively flossing. I really want to point out that I didn’t doubt his professional competency – I was just shocked with the results.

by cwalker71

Now, here’s where it got complicated. I was scheduled to get a cavity repaired, but I was a little shaken when I was told I had to get 6 repaired – 3 today, 3 another session. The doctor asked me which side he should start with, so that he could start right now. I felt like I was being rushed, and told him I’d like to have some time to think, as I wasn’t expecting so many cavities – it was a shock. He told me something along the lines of “You’re procrastinating, just choose – and we’ll get to work”. I then said I rather wait a couple days, and then come back. He said something along the lines of  “If you choose that route, that’s where it ends. You had an appointment, and now you’re forfeiting it – we’ll have no way to fill it.” I couldn’t bring myself to believe that the doctor would abandon me as a patient just because I wasn’t feeling up to doing it immediately, so I told him I was sure I wanted to take that approach, again, because I was feeling a little overwhelmed and rushed. He said it was fine, and went into his office. I then went to the front desk to pay for my dental cleaning, and as I was filling up some sheets for the secretary, the Doctor’s assistant came up and said, to the secretary, “You’re not supposed to give him another appointment.” At this point, I was hit with the truth – but I still couldn’t believe it, so I went to see the doctor – and sure enough, he said that I was banned from ever coming back. He said if I was regular, he’d give me another chance, but since I bailed on him in under 24 hours, he didn’t feel he should keep me as a patient. He felt this compromised my integrity, and believed I would do it again, wasting more of his time. I tried to explain to him that this was the first time I ever behaved in that manner, and then just gave up and said: “Alright, man. Your decision. Bye.”  I was also told that my papers could be faxed to another dentist, at my request. I didn’t see the point in dealing with the dentist beyond that point – he made his choice, and if his was so insistent on making me his bitch, and rushing me through it – then I could surely find a more understanding doctor. I paid for my cleaning, and then left the place – evidently, for good.

by ChristopherSchmitt.com

Looking back, I can’t help but laugh at this experience… but at the same time, I’m really taken aback at how rough of a doctor that guy was – I’m not referring to his work, more so his human interaction skills, or lack of. I felt rushed, and a little overwhelmed with the news of 6 cavities. I was perfectly willing to get them fixed by the same doctor, but he was obviously offended that I was going to postpone the “repair” appointment. A little strange too – I was there for my main appointment, it’s not like I completely bailed on them. If I was told in advance he reacted so brutally to such a “cancellation”, I would of probably decided to go elsewhere. He couldn’t get it through his head that I simply wasn’t mentally well with doing it so quickly – some people would need even more time than me, but apparently those people are destined to be rejected by that doctor. I thought to myself, while there, how he would be with kids – how unfortunate for them… having a father that lacks basic human understanding and compassion. I’ll rate him according to my experience on Google Maps and probably RateMDs.com. Also, at least now – I can get a second opinion about the work that needs to be done – if I said that as my excuse for wanting to cancel my second appointment, he probably would of banned me for that too. How is that right?

Update: Rated him on Google Maps, and RateMDs. His name is Jean Pierre Loiselle.

Consider the following screenshot:

If you know me in real life, you’ll know that this is a pretty decent representation of what I look like. Not perfect, but still impressive. After trying our regular faces, we decided to try and get the game to accept unusual facial expressions. I had a great laugh when I saw the end result of my first experiment:

I kept that “Custom Head” for a while:

…and it resulted in a great set of photos.

Kept for comedic potential

So next thing you know, we’re heading back home – and every now and then, you see people looking at us weird. Picture this… a grown man was driving a car, my father, in fact – but seated next to him – was a giant bear. My idea. We were to pick up my mother, and I figured the bear would look pretty funny sitting in the front passenger seat. Just seeing people’s expressions, and ultimately, my mother’s reaction – made the price of 20$ all worthwhile.

So… let me just confirm what you’ve all been thinking. No. I’m not a regular guy – I’m a fan of weird and quirky things, especially if it ultimately will make me laugh. If others laugh, that’s just icing on the cake.

For example, I started working as a software developer, full-time, in February 2006. After about 4 months, I decided to spice up my desk a little bit. It was just so regular, so dull. It all started with a couple stress balls – you know, those squeezable, colorful balls with printed smiley faces on them? Something you’d see over at Google. Now, my buying these balls had nothing to do with stress – I didn’t need to take out my anger on small, smiling faces – I didn’t need to crush them to feel better. I just always appreciated the “Google culture”, to an extent. A few months later, I had enough stress balls to fill the majority of my desk’s filing drawer. My desk was packed with them, and I made sure to buy some for my co-workers. It reached a point where people were buying me stress balls of all sorts, to further my collection. Some of the weirder ones I was given were ones intended for use on Halloween. I’m talking balls meant to look like eyes, skulls, or worse.

A small fraction of the stressballs I accumulated

At this point in time, since I moved to another office, most of my desk toys have been retired to my drawers, rather than remaining on my desk. I kept some around, though. They are true to my sense of humor, and my playful nature. Even so, these days, some of my co-workers will randomly find an foreign stress ball grinning at them when they arrive in the morning. I’ll just randomly do that… it makes people laugh, and laughter is a great thing. For now… I feel I’ve mastered the toy desk – my next goal is to master the plant desk – my new office has windows. I want to make myself a little jungle. Want to talk to me? Bring a machete. Unfortunately, I have yet to buy plants for work. This is mainly because I usually buy big, leafy plants – and I’m currently not too enthusiastic about exposing them this weather (during transport).

I’ve got other similar, smaller experiments going on in my apartment. First, I currently have a fake skull in one of my kitchen cupboards. If it detects motion, its eyes start to glow, and it talks. You can also turn off the motion detect, and have it only turn on manually. It usually says something really corny, and then it laughs all evil-like. It was meant to be used as a typical Halloween prop. My original idea was to keep it in the cupboard, and when people were over, act like nothing was strange about it. One time, after having it on motion detect for a while, I went to get a bowl, and I momentarily forgot it was there. It startled me – I jumped, had a good laugh, and turned off the motion detect. I have yet to get any more good laughs out of the skull, but I’ll think of something eventually.

My second apartment experiment involves my medicine cabinet. It goes something like this: when someone uses your bathroom, they technically have full access to your cabinet. You can’t really stop them – they’re using the bathroom – they have privacy. If you have any embarrassing diseases, conditions, etc – your medication and ointments – they are usually here. I’ve heard of a study that claims most people will, in fact, snoop in your medicine cabinet. Knowing this, I began to think about how I could exploit it. I thought: what if I were to put some really strange stuff in there? A rubber ducky. Binoculars. You know, just something completely out of place, or overwhelmingly embarrassing (by intention). I have yet to do anything for this one, but I have more ideas in mind.